Summer is over, and all I have to show for it are these stupid tan lines.
Category: General
Toothache
I went to the dentist the other day, I had my biannual checkup. I don’t recall when I suddenly switched from an annual to a biannual schedule, it’s definitely twice as expensive. But this appointment was good timing, I have a toothache.
The assistant took an x-ray of my sore molar, the same molar the dentist filled 6 months ago. I figured it was just sensitivity to the filling, but that should have faded over time, this was getting worse. Maybe I pulled the filling loose. But the dentist says he can find nothing wrong with my tooth. It may have a crack which would be almost impossible to see on an x-ray. If it persists, I can go see an endodontist, which will surely cost a packet of money. The dentist said I could wait and see if it would clear up, or get worse, it’s not showing any signs it needs urgent intervention.
As I left the dentist, they gave me a little bag with a toothbrush, some toothpaste, and some floss. I didn’t look too closely at the bag, it had a cute little tooth pattern on it. But then I got the bag home, emptied it out and set it on a white surface. The bag was transparent, I could see the pattern through both sides, and suddenly my toothache seemed a lot worse.
Price Cut
Yes, I bought an iPhone the first week. Yes, I was mighty irritated when they cut the price $200. Then Apple announced a rebate, a $100 gift certificate to the Apple Store. I thought about it a minute, decided I was half-satisfied, and considered it a glass half full.
Then I thought about it a little longer. I realized that $100 of retail goods at the Apple store is likely to be around $50 wholesale cost, so Apple is covering my $200 loss with about $50 cash. The glass is only one-quarter full, I am now 75% dissatisfied.
I’ve been there plenty of times. I always tell people, if you want to know when Apple is going to drop prices on something, wait until I buy it. Apple always seems to cut prices right after I buy something. I remember buying my PowerMac 8100/110, I bought it the week it was introduced, figuring it would be a long time before a price cut. It took almost three months to deliver the machine, and they cut the price $300 before I ever received it. No, I didn’t get my $300 back.
I’ve seen it from the dealer’s side too, when I worked in computer sales. Customers would sometimes express their irritation when their computers dropped in price, and I would use almost the exact same spiel that Steve Jobs used in his rebate announcement.
There is always change and improvement, and there is always someone who bought a product before a particular cutoff date and misses the new price or the new operating system or the new whatever. This is life in the technology lane. If you always wait for the next price cut or to buy the new improved model, you’ll never buy any technology product because there is always something better and less expensive on the horizon.
I would usually try to put it a little more diplomatically than that, but the last sentence is almost verbatim from Apple sales training, and has been conventional wisdom for decades. Most customers would accept this logic, but once in a while, you get a case that is so egregious that you have to do something about it.
I remember when I worked at ComputerLand, around 1985, one of my favorite customers came in just before closing time. She was a young woman with punky purple dyed hair, a college student on a low budget, she’d bought an Apple //c last Christmas. She was so happy with it, she scrimped and saved for months and now she wanted to buy two more computers, one for her boyfriend and one for her mom. I was pleased to help her, a salesman loves nothing more than a happy repeat customer. She paid cash, I loaded them in her car, and left the office for the day with a smile on my face.
The next morning, I arrived at the office and sipped my coffee while reading the morning updates from ComputerLand Headquarters. I was stunned, as of this morning, Apple dropped the retail price of the //c by $200, about 1/3 of the price of the machine. I’d just screwed my customer out of $400. I immediately talked to the store manager, he had the same reaction, “oh crap.” We decided we had to find a way to fix this deal, and we better have it in place fast, before she called to complain about it.
Apple traditionally had price protection for dealers, so if inventory in the dealer’s warehouse was devalued by a price cut, Apple would write a check for the difference in the wholesale price. But they offered no price protection to buyers. I figured that we should just void the sale from yesterday, so officially the computers would still be in our warehouse, and ComputerLand would get a check for the price protection. Then we would sell the computers to her with a new receipt dated today, at the new lower price. We’d be screwing Apple but they’d never know. Everyone would be happy.
Just as I was on the phone getting final approval from Headquarters to rewrite this deal, the store manager got a phone call.. from the customer’s mother. The manager transferred the call to me, so I could look good by proposing the solution we’d already worked out. She said her daughter was so distraught when she heard the news of the price cut, she’d been crying inconsolably for the last two hours, she was so broken up she was unable to speak on the phone. I told her I was surprised and upset when I learned of the price cut, and I’d just spent the last two hours working on a solution, and I was just about to call her. I described the deal, and said her daughter should come in right away and I would take care of her.
Within an hour, the poor girl came in to the store, her eyes were puffy and red, she was still sobbing and crying, but trying to put on a brave face. I told her how upset I was when I heard the news, and that I’d worked hard to recover her money. And besides, you don’t think I was the sort of person who would do this deliberately, now do you? If I’d known the price was going to drop, I wouldn’t have sold them to you until the next day. She cracked a weak smile, but she was still sobbing.
So I refunded her money and voided the sale, then rewrote the sale on a new ticket dated today, and handed her 4 hundred-dollar bills from the till, the same bills she’d paid with yesterday. I apologized to her for any hard feelings, and said that despite the hassles, she should be happier than ever, since she ultimately paid far less than she ever expected. She said she was happy with how we’d resolved the problem, and thanked me for working on her behalf. But I wondered, why was she still crying?
Kite
It was windy so I thought I’d fly my kite, but the wind died down before I could get it in the air. I received this kite as a gift from the Hakodate Sports Kite Club in 1996, but I’ve never flown it since I brought it back to the US. It is a simple square kite, handmade from bamboo and hand painted in a traditional ukiyo-e design. The kite has a string across the top back to bend the leading edge into a curve for more lift. The string is covered with a flap of plastic tape, so when the wind is strong enough to lift the kite, it produces a menacing buzz.
The reason I never flew this kite is because I could not find the kite spool and rope tails, but now I found them and can assemble the kite. The rope is a light plastic fiber, the spool is made from wood dowels with a wonderful bamboo wrap, I guess that’s for a better grip.
The wind picked up the next day for a bit, so I went out to fly the kite, without much success. The wind was inconstant, the kite needs a strong wind to get high enough to put the tails in the air. Until it gets high enough, it just swoops around and crashes. I tried adjusting the bridle, and managed to get it aloft and upright for about 5 seconds, then the wind gave out. But for a brief moment, it was going straight up, producing an aggressive buzzing sound, rising into the sky on its tails.
Update Sept. 14: I took the kite out every day for the last 3 days. Meteorologists predicted increasing winds, but they were never constant enough to keep the kite up. I figure it takes a constant 10mph wind to fly the kite, I got a few gusts higher than that, and the kite went up. Then it went down. It is easy to tell when you have enough wind, the kite buzzes.
But the kite is very unstable. I discovered it had 3 cross-ties that had to be pulled taut and tied, not just the one at the top. Now the whole kite has a more curved and aerodynamic shape. But still it’s very hard to fly, until it gets high enough for the tails to weigh it down. Once it got about 20 feet off the ground, the kite flew straight up.
Plant
I’m quite pleased with my houseplant lately. I’ve grown it for three years and this is the first time it’s really done anything. Here’s a picture of my plant catching the last rays of the afternoon sun.
I grew this dieffenbachia plant from cuttings. This plant is also known as “dumb cane” and it grows in jointed segments like cane or bamboo. All you have to do is cut one segment and bury it in a pot and it will take root. But my plant didn’t poke up through the soil for over a year. The next year, it hardly grew at all, it only produced a couple of scrawny leaves per stem. So I decided to repot it in new dirt, and it just exploded. Each of the 3 plants has leaves continuously coming in, it’s growing so fast I have to keep rotating it towards the sun to keep it growing straight up. And it only took 3 years of tending to get to this point.
Merv
Merv Griffin is dead, another bloated Hollywood corpse has washed up on the beach. Merv’s body will be rendered into fat and reformulated into a special lubricant used to grease palms in the TV business.
I don’t have much reason to blog about my contempt for old farts like Merv, except that it is the only excuse I’ll ever have to tell my Merv anecdote. I once met Merv face to face, and I laugh every time I think about it. Unfortunately, it is a moment in time and nobody ever understands the context anymore. But I figure somebody will get it and laugh.
A long time ago, maybe around the early 1970s, my family went on vacation to Miami to see the Orange Bowl. One morning, my sister I went out of our hotel and found the Orange Bowl Parade was about to start. We were trying to cross the road, we stood right at the corner but it was too late, the parade had started. The parade’s lead car, a big Lincoln convertible, stopped right in front of us, close enough I could stand there and open the door. It had a big sign on the door, “Merv Griffin, Grand Marshall.” I looked up and Merv was right there, close enough to me I could reach out and touch him. So I nudged my sister, and spoke loudly so that Merv would hear me, I know he heard me because he looked right at me, and ooh you should have seen the look on his face. I pointed right at Merv and I said, “hey look it’s Irv Kupcinet!”
Sudden Surgery
I’m going into the hospital for surgery in the morning. I’ve been seeing a doctor for a few weeks due to stomach pains, it turns out I’ve got gall stones, so I need to have my gall bladder removed. I went in today for another surgical consultation, I expected them to schedule it for a few weeks out, but the doctor said they had a cancellation so I might as well have it done tomorrow. This is rather sudden, but I guess it works out for the best, it gives me less time to worry about things.
I’m having a “lap chole” which is a minimally invasive surgery done with laparoscopic instruments. They say it will be all over in 90 minutes. I’m in pretty good physical condition (aside from my gall bladder) so I don’t expect any complications. But then, nobody ever expects complications.
I was planning to write a lengthy story about my medical travails, but I was waiting for a definitive conclusion. And now it is upon me so suddenly, there’s no time to write about it. So it will have to wait for later.
Update 1PM Tuesday: All done, feeling woozy and sore. Percocet is nice. Need rest.
Threats from Rex Bruce of LACDA
I just received this threatening email from Rex Bruce of LACDA, the "Los Angeles Center for Digital Art"
From: Rex Bruce
Subject: Disinfotainment post, possible lawsuit
May 30, 2007
Charles Eicher
Dear Sir,
Please delete the “Disinfotainment” article regarding myself, our
center and its practices from your blog. It is not accurate. Should
you not remove it I will seek assistance through our lawyers. I will
make a legal case against you, obtain a cease and desist order and
will sue you for damages and legal costs. As well, any criminal
charges which may be involved will also be reported and pursued.
This post will also be reflected as “abuse” to its respective host(s)
who will be contacted and be held liable as allowed to the extent of
applicable law. They may proceed against you with those remedies
available to them in the interests of their protection.
Please respond within 48 hours.
Yours,
Rex Bruce
Director
Los Angeles Center For Digital Art
107 West Fifth Street
Los Angeles, CA 90013
And my response, sent via email:
I will not remove the article. I notified you of this article via email the day it was published, almost a year ago. It is too late to complain now.
Note: your email, and all further correspondence, will be posted to my weblog. Your attempt to suppress this article will only draw more attention to it.
—-
Charles Eicher
Oh how many times have I heard this story before? It is the pathetic war cry of internet flamers and bullies, “you’ll be hearing from my attorney!” And of course nothing will ever happen because the guy doesn’t even have an attorney. This sort of hollow threat inspired the internet neologism “cartooney,” denoting the imaginary attorney the flamer thinks he will hire to prosecute his lawsuit.
And it’s obvious he has no attorney, no Member of the Bar would take such a ridiculous case, they would all universally advise Rex to just forget about it. Furthermore, if he had actually consulted an attorney before sending a threatening email, he would have received legal advice not to make those threats, which could be considered barratry, a criminal misdemeanor in California.
But I know how this scenario will play out, I’ve been through this before. Rex Bruce will attempt to shut down my website by sending a threatening email to my ISP’s abuse desk. It won’t work. Perhaps then he will actually consult a real attorney, who will advise him that he has no grounds for a lawsuit, I have committed no criminal acts and no civil torts. Even if he does manage to retain a lawyer licensed to practice in Iowa and he files a lawsuit in my jurisdiction (very unlikely) the best he can achieve is a Pyrrhic Victory.
So let me offer you some friendly advice, Rex. You are digging yourself into a deep hole. Stop digging, you’re only getting in deeper. Your only winning strategy is to walk away.
Fashion Faux Pas
A few days ago, a friend invited me to go see a movie. As I headed out the door, I thought to myself, I should wear my new jacket. I found a really nice black Mossimo jacket at Target for just $25, it fit me perfectly and I thought I looked really great, not too dressy, not too casual. So I grabbed it from my closet, threw it on, and headed out the door.
My friend’s reaction puzzled me, he said, “that’s an interesting jacket, I’ve never seen you wear it before.” I said, “sure you have, I wore it to your art opening a few weeks ago.” I didn’t think anything of it until I got home and hung it up, when I noticed the label. It wasn’t my new jacket, it was an old Jimmy’Z jacket I bought in about 1983.
This wasn’t just any jacket, it was part of a suit and pants set, Jimmy’Z’s first and most infamous product, it made their reputation. The pants didn’t have a zipper, or any fly at all, it fastened at the side with a velcro strap. It was a beachwear version of a conservative business suit, but cut very wide with big shoulder pads. I wore that suit constantly, the pants wore out but I kept wearing the jacket long after it was out of fashion. I haven’t worn it for many years, but I couldn’t bear to throw it out. I only grabbed it from my closet by accident.
I had an appointment for a haircut the next day, so I decided to wear it and ask for a second opinion from the women in the salon. I was vaguely hoping the jacket was so retro it was back in fashion again. But I got the same reaction, “that’s an interesting jacket.” I asked my haircutter for her opinion, she said, “well, it’s too big and wide for you, it makes your head look tiny. It reminds me of the jacket David Byrne wore in the movie ‘Stop Making Sense.'” Unfortunately, I knew exactly what she meant.
Sports Trophy
It took months of painful, hard work to earn my latest sports trophy:
Update: I suppose I should know better than to post a “blind item” like this, now people are emailing me to ask what’s in the X-Ray. The answer is: nothing. Absolutely nothing.
I’ve been jogging for a year and I developed some ankle problems. I went to the doctor and he sent me for an expensive X-Ray, it showed absolutely nothing. The doctor is baffled, I have to go back for more tests.
This is what galls me about working out to improve your fitness, sometimes you just end up trading one set of health problems for another. I’ve worked hard to get into shape, but after all those miles spent running, beating my feet on the pavement, I ended up with beat-up feet. And an expensive X-Ray. So this image is my little trophy.