Hawkeye Rapist Pierre Pierce Imprisoned

Rapist Pierre Pierce performed his perp walk today, as he was hauled to prison in shackles. Like all Hawkeye criminals, Rapist Pierce escaped the maximum penalty of 56 years for his crimes, and will serve a maximum of 2 years in the Sex Offender unit of the Iowa State Prison in Mt. Pleasant.

Rapist Pierce will now be locked up with his peers: sexual deviants, violent thugs, and gangsters. I am sure that he will find he has much in common with his new roommates. But be careful in the shower, Rapist Pierce, don’t drop that soap!

Now the waiting begins, who will be the next Hawkeye Thug to be arrested for a felony? The local university newspaper The Daily Iowan reports that 11% of Hawkeye Athletes have been convicted of at least a misdemeanor crime. They will have to work harder to live up to the reputation of their teams. Who will step forward and uphold the high standard of the felonious Hawkeye Rapists and Thugs?

© Copyright 2016 Charles Eicher