Consumption of alcohol is prohibited by law in all public buildings owned by the State of Iowa. Therefore, it is illegal and inappropriate to consume large quantities of beer in the University Hospital waiting rooms. Please be considerate of other hospital visitors when choosing attire, your bloodstained camouflage hunting vest may cause offense. Before engaging in a loud, drunken argument, please retire to one of the soundproof consultation rooms. Please exit the hospital before beginning a fistfight.
Thank you for your cooperation.