Dear Neighbor:

It appears that you, Mrs. Neighbor, do not quite understand how to work with a common resource like this apartment building’s laundry facility. Permit me to offer a suggestion that will make life easier for everyone who shares these washers and driers.

Be sure to remove all foreign objects from your laundry before running it through the washer and drier. In particular, you should NOT run these items through the drier AGAIN:

  • Paper matchbooks. Most people like their laundry free of cardboard lint and wet phosphorous fragments.
  • Halloween candy. In particular, do NOT run sticky toffee candies through the drier. Most people like their laundry free of sticky, sugary, melted toffee.
  • Your husband’s expired Mexican ID card. Most people like to remain ignorant of the details of their neighbors’ immigration status.
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